She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
