saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
