I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
