Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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