and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
