I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
