the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
