i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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