dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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