I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
