Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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