I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
