drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
