Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
