so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
