She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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