This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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