I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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