Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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