ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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