i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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