did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
