How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
