My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
