walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
