So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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