If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
