smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
