How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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