How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
