if you like me you must not know who I am
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
