Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
