Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
