How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
