I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
