Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
