She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
