Im at strip club and am horny
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
