Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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