I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So squirting runs in the family.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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