it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
