smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
