I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
