God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
