tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
