Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
