Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
