I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
