I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
