Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
